U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
