I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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