i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
