I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
