we made out on top of his cat.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Randomize
