sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
