Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
