I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
