eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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