It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
