If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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