Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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