when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
