It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
