I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You're like the curious george of whores
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
