There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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