What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
