clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
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