Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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