it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
