M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
