Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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