I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
