He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
