Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
