You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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