Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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