watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
