Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
