T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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