He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
