This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
