You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
