she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
