so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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