Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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