Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
