I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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