this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
