There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
