you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
