respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
