I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
