I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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