i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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