So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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