Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
