no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
