Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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