I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
