I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
