when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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