i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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