I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
