I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
