Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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