I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
