Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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