The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
