In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
