no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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