good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
