Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
