You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
