; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
