Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize