he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
